This is going to be tough to write, because it’s pretty personal.

Yesterday I was first responder to a motorcycle vs. car crash that happened outside my apartment. I was laying on my living room floor studying when I heard the crash and the ensuing commotion. I glanced out my window, saw a man down blood everywhere, and overheard someone saying “I think his leg is broken” as they were calling 911. Crap. I’ve got to get down there! Threw on a jacket, grabbed a pair of gloves from my garbage can (leftover in my pocket from Wednesday shift) and hustled outside.

Walking up I assessed the scene and asked if he was the only one injured. Driver of the car was okay (and walking around). I introduced myself to the man, who was howling in pain. Told him I was an EMT, lived next door and could I help him? It was then I realized I had *shit* for gear.

How do you work without your toolkit? When you’ve trained and trained and trained and worked relying on your gear to be at your side and in working order. All of a sudden something happens when you’re not on duty at work and you are NAKED. It was the worst feeling and completely frustrating. I almost stalled right there, not knowing what to do without my “stuff” and even once I started helping with what I could, I definitely felt thrown off the entire time.

I took an A&O as I improvised and managed to get his jeans cut off with the knife in my keys to expose the area. Removed his shoes and socks and found bilat pedal pulses even though I couldn’t get an accurate set of vitals since I WAS NOT WEARING A WATCH! (I did have an old crappy t-shirt I was willing to sacrifice as a bulky dressing in the case of severe bleeding.)

Aggh, I can’t even get into how frustrated I felt not being able to help in my full capacity. It’s almost like our gear becomes a crutch and then when it’s not there- will you be able to improvise on your feet and get everything done that you need to do?

Ultimately I held c-spine and from my position on the ground directed a nearby construction crew to set up some cones to keep the scene safe and direct traffic around us. I talked to the patient (who was freaking out about his mangled bike, not his mangled leg!) and tried to keep him calm. I know response times of SFFD are very fast, but that time I was on scene before they showed up felt EXCRUCIATINGLY long. And as the seconds ticked by before they showed up, I felt ashamed that I didn’t have equipment on me to do everything I was trained to do.

Once the medics showed up, I gave them the best report I could (minus vitals, ARGH) and put on their c-collar. I was so impressed with the crew who took over; talk about efficiency in action. The crew worked like a perfectly orchestrated symphony. I’ve never done a ride along with a SFFD truck and haven’t had the chance to watch a 4-man team go to work on a patient. It was marvelous to witness. They are some amazing and competent professionals.

They thanked me for the help and told me that I did a good job getting the area exposed and holding c-spine. Still, I REALLY wish I had been able to give them a full report with vitals, have the guy already collared, and had there been severe bleeding it would have been nice to have some trauma dressings on hand instead of my old t-shirt.

This has been the second time I’ve been a 1st responder out of sheer happenstance on being on scene when something happened (last time was a MVC on 280 when I was driving home from work in the pouring rain) and HATED the feeling of not having gear with me. That time I didn’t even have GLOVES.

I guess I need to get better at thinking on my feet and not relying on the gear as a crutch. But, at the very least I need to buy some gloves and keep them around. Also, next time something like this happens I would NOT run outside without my watch!!

I think it’s time to throw together a very basic, personal jump kit in an old gym bag or something. This one on amazon looks perhaps a bit much, but has some great ideas to get me started. All I know is I just despise that helpless, stalled feeling I had yesterday… and it’s still bothering me.