Uhhhh. So sore. I can’t move my arms.

Earl was an angel when I got home from my 7am yesterday-7am today shift this morning. After my long, hot shower he ushered me into bed and promptly cuddled me, put lotion on and massaged my feet and ordered me to take a nap. Yay, Earl.

My shift was HELL. I’m going to say right off the bat how much it sucked, and how poorly I did. I better pass this training, I think I was borderline today and that might be generous. I want to be a great EMT. But I just felt so “off” the entire shift… maybe I was tired, maybe it was nerves, maybe I was too tentitive with the patients, maybe some of this stuff will come with experience. But I didn’t feel confident and was thrown off by how much they just threw me in there. After ONE patient, my FTO wanted me to lead every single call! GAH. Mapping out directions, filling out the PCRs, leading the calls, lifting the patients. I was getting a lot wrong and felt like I just sucked. I was never quick enough in my mapping (supposed to get it in 2 minutes route to route and also a separate plan B to nearest en-route hospital), stayed too long on scene, couldn’t lift the gurney on some of the heavier patients, my assessments were choppy and not on point, I kept getting really grossed out by smells and feeling sick, and man. I just straight out sucked. All shift.

We got to sleep from 1:30am-3:30am. When we got woken up with a call, I did NOT make it to the rig in 3 minutes window we had to get to the rig. I got out of bed, rushed to put on my pants, shoes, and pee and was two minutes late.

We went into a board and care for the mentally ill at 4:00am that smelled completely rank and kept making me gag. Plus whatever smell it was vaporized into my clothes for the rest of the day. It radiated out of my clothing and smelled SO horrendous. I drove the entire way home this morning with the windows down, despite sitting in CA smog/traffic for an hour. Even thinking about that smell now I feel sick.

Had a guy with fungus of the groin keep scratching and scratching and then waving his hand around the rig, another guy with a dirty diaper on who kept scratching that then sticking his feces-smelling hand out at us.

TOENAILS!!!! GAH. wtf is with all the GROSS, gross extra-long, rotted, pointy toenails!!! omg disgusting. plus when you lift the gurney into the ambulance their claw like feet are right in your face.

patient with d-cub w/ MRSA who didn’t tell me he had MRSA when i was doing my SAMPLE.

3 people over 300lbs. I can’t lift the gurney. I am SO sore already and i just got off shift an hour ago. arms hurt. worried i am going to fail my training because i can’t lift the gurney high enough (i am 5′3 and i could only lift it to my waist). need more practice or more strength or better technique.

my insane FTO wants me to work her next THIRTY SIX HOUR shift starting tomorrow at 7am and going till thursday 7pm. Good fucking god. She said I have the option to only work the 24-hour shift 7am-7am Thurs, however it would be “better” if I did the whole 36 hour shift and I could tell in her voice that I damn well should do that whole 36 hours.

i think (hope) i will get used to all of the above. but wish i had more time to decompress/sleep/study/take 5000 showers/practice assessments before having to go do it all again (but 10 hours longer) starting tomorrow at 5am. I feel like I’m getting so much info and have no chance to process it. Today (yesterday) absolutely sucked, and I sucked. Maybe the initial period will suck no matter what, and you have to get through the learning curve anyways so why not do it all at once. But damn I wish I had longer to catch up on my studying, go over everything I learned today and to let get my arms un-sore. They hurt so fucking much.

Also, honestly? maybe this is just a dumb newbie thing, but i was surprised people weren’t more thankful for the care we were giving them. not many of them seemed all that appreciative. wasn’t expecting them to bow down and sing our praises or anything, but i never expected patients to be so… argumentative and grumpy. one patient called my FTO a dyke and complained she didn’t want a lesbian touching her. (my fto wears a rainbow flag pin).

Oh yeah. and the back of ambulances are freaking HOT. maybe i acclimated to nice temperate SF city and now that i am shlepping 300lb people around the east bay greenhouse smog i can’t take the heat, but damn i was sweating like a pig in the back of the rig. My BO combined with the gag-inducing mentally ill board and care smell radiating out of my clothes was hella potent, and I am NOT looking forward to re-living that smell when I get my uniform out of the laundry basket and go wash it in about 10 minutes.

So, I’ve had a nap, am off to walk the dog and then a few hours of chilling and studying before going to bed early (trying to fall asleep at 7:30pm tonight) to get up at 5:30 and give it another shot- this time for a 36 hour straight shift.

I have to step up my game- not feeling really great about my performance today. Here’s to improvement and a silent prayer I can get my act together and pass this training. Imagine if this was all for nothing??