Well, we’re officially getting a garbage can with a heavy lid on it for the bathroom.

Freaking dogs, man.

Hanging around tonight, I notice Linus isn’t in his usual spot by my side in our living room.  I go look for him (he was in his bed) and then- hey, what’s this?- notice that there’s bloody toilet paper strewn all over the bathroom.  Oooh boy.

Yep.  Linus, as far I could deduct, had gotten into the bathroom garbage can and eaten one (or several) of my used tampons.  EWWW!!!

So once I get passed the “agggh that is so disgusting!!!!” phase I’m thinking, gee- that’s probably really, REALLY bad for the poor little guy.  Especially because he’s on the smaller side for a dog.  He probably can’t pass those.  Especially since the design of tampons is to, you know… fill up with fluid and EXPAND.   And, block stuff.  So I’m figuring he probably needs to puke them up.  I feed him dinner on a hunch that it would help for him to have some other stuff in his tummy and then get in the phone with the Emergency Vet Hospital near our apartment.  The woman who answered the phone was super calming and helpful.  Apparently this is more common than one would realize!  So she tells me that I can bring him in, and they will induce vomiting for $300 or I can try and induce vomiting myself and she will talk me through it.  So I opt to have her talk me through it, figuring if that fails I can just bring him in afterwards.

The emergency vet has me feed Linus three teaspoons of 3% hydrogen peroxide.  I am a hydrogen peroxide aficionado (seriously love the stuff, I love putting it on cuts and also using it to clean out earwax buildup, it is so neat when you hear it bubble), so of course we have lots on hand.  I take Linus into the bathroom and down the hatch it goes.  He’s such a nut- freaking dog LIKED eating the hydrogen peroxide!  After each teaspoon he would actually try and LICK the spoon.  So in goes the hydrogen peroxide and then the vet has me wait 10 minutes and see what happens, with instructions to call them back after the 10 minutes.  These were an anxious few minutes, let me tell you!  Especially since Earl was at the gym and I had no way of getting ahold of him.  So I put buddy in his kennel, pulling out his soft comfy bed and just had him sitting in there.  Meanwhile I am watching him like a hawk and googling everything that can be found on the internet about inducing vomiting in dogs, dogs eating tampons, etc.  There is a surprising amount of stuff on the internet about dogs eating tampons- I guess it really is common!

Anyways about four angst-filled minutes in, and up comes some white sputum and one tampon!  Phew.  I have never been so relieved for my dog to puke up something disgusting before.  But now I was in a bit of a conundrum, because I wanted to clean it up, but I didn’t want to leave the bedroom to go GET the cleaning stuff, because who knows if our Dumb Little Shit would EAT the vomited tampon again!  I wouldn’t put that past him.  Also I was pretty sure he would puke some more, so I didn’t want to let him out of the kennel.  I decide to risk it and commanded him the sternest “SIT!!!! STAY!!!!” I could muster and ran to the kitchen to get a roll of paper towels, nature’s miracle and plastic bags.

Pukey tampon was fortunately left untouched, so I cleaned it up.  Right after I cleaned it up, out comes the rest of his dinner and also TWO more tampons.  AGGGH!  Linus is so gross.  And I feel like an awful dog owner for letting him get into that garbage in the bathroom.  :(

Anyways, I am just so happy he got everything out.  Also that I didn’t have to give him a lot of hydrogen peroxide to make him puke!  According to the vet I could have gone three cycles of hydrogen peroxide (9 teaspoons!).  Seems like a LOT.

My theory is buddy has a bit of a steel stomach from when he was living life on the lam back in West Virginia- who knows what the heck he was eating- and puking- in his attempt to survive.  He’s puked up food with us before- once when I was preparing a dinner party he ate an entire wax-coated block of ($15!! I was pissed) gourmet blue cheese, plastic wrap and all.  That came up and was an astounding scent sensation when it did.

I touched base with the vet again to let them know what happened, and now am instructed to give him food and water and keep an eye on him for the next two days.  You better believe I will be keeping an eye on him.  Guess who is learning the bathroom is OFF LIMITS from now on.  *sigh*  We brush his teeth in the bathroom every other day, and he also gets baths in there.  Not sure how that’s going to work out.  Ugh, dogs.

Poor buddy.  Glad he seems like he’s going to be okay.

And, um, poor me for having to clean up three pukey tampons.  Although I didn’t really mind.  I am just glad he’s doing okay.  To make myself feel better about what I had to deal with tonight, and also since Earl missed this stupendous adventure in dog ownership (!), I will share an enchanting photograph from tonight’s marvelous activities below:

Tampon Eating Dog (!!!!)

Tampon Eating Dog (!!!!)