Chasing Rainbows: Literally and Figuratively

One thing I’ve been accused of- generally by my mother- is “chasing rainbows.” And, I’ll tell ya, the woman, she has a point. Sometimes I allow youthful enthusiasms to energize my attentions on frivolous things, like say… going to circus camp or becoming a gogo dancer or learning how to cook this meal (I think I am going to serve it at a party to celebrate graduation from EMT school).

My current obsession is swimming the English Channel in summer of 2011 (and you better believe it- I already have my spot booked with the CS&PF office, “number 3 place on the 20th to 27th August tide 2011″).
Ergo, Mom has a valid concern when she worries I spend all of my efforts chasing wacko, fleeting dreams which sure are real fun for a while, but ultimately contribute very little to my personal bottom line. Heck, in her eyes, even doing an Ironman was nothing short of a trifling, shallow, and most importantly EXPENSIVE vanity project.

O, ye terrible triviality of meaningless pursuits!

It’s something that I personally wrestle with. Every now and then I have a reality check and can see where she’s coming from. For example, currently some of my friends on TGR are having a fundraiser to raise $$ to send this great guy (who has hooked a lot of people up with good deals) to a Phish concert. They are trying to raise $300 to send him to this concert. And I was sitting here last night, having watched this very moving video about people trying to survive in a Shantytowns outside of Sacramento, and having read this article about the icy waters flooding Fargo, ND, thinking to myself, “why, exactly, are we all pooling together to send this dude to a freaking concert, when families are getting kicked out of their homes, eating garbage to survive, and people are freezing in flooding waters??” I personally know two people on TGR who are being foreclosed on right now, and they have families. It’s embarrassing, so they haven’t told many people or really reached out for help. But here I was wondering why we’re being solicited to buy a $300 concert ticket when there are others who seem to have far more dire needs at hand.
It’s all relative, of course. Here I was posting three days ago about how I want to sign up for another $550 Ironman next year. Expensive vanity project, indeed. :-/

Ultimately, what I aspire to is to somehow hash out a decent balance- get the important things squared away, then enjoy some of those more… picayune pursuits.
I’d say a key component of the issue is seeking happiness vs. seeking fulfillment. Doing a circus class? Instant happiness. Getting an EMT certification? Lends itself more towards fulfillment. For me, I’d venture fulfillment lies in living up to my self-imposed moral responsibilities to society- which is why my goal is to professionally help others. After five years on Wall Street working on these intangible products, I have this deep yearning to do something work-wise which is genuine and authentic. During those years, I was conflicted about what I was doing and how I was presenting myself to the world. I felt this… aridity. You could call it a state of professional destitution.

What’s nice about where I am now is that I feel very safe talking about my dreams and goals with my friends out here. There’s no longer this need to impress. I don’t have to be a big banker with a big glass office and a crazy corporate travel schedule. I had those things. I still felt empty. Now I’m just doing my thing, getting my next small steps checked off and squared away, and I’m really proud of what I’m doing and where I am going. I am happy that I had the courage to seek out something better. Honestly I owe the biggest part of this change to Earl. I could have never done it without his encouragement and support. I doubt I would have had the balls, nor the means, to throw down and get after it. I talked about it, sure, but it was with his advocacy and assistance that I successfully made the turn.

Hopefully, soon I’ll stumble into or arrive at that sweet spot- the troika where you have a meaningful, significant and fulfilling professional life- but also harvest joy and excitement from sheer, silly frivolities. I’m hoping this is not paradoxical. I don’t think it is. For eventually, we all must answer Raymond Carver, who famously asks his final poem,

“And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.”

As for the title of this post, I have not only been recently chasing figurative rainbows, but also hunting those of the literal variety. I hope you enjoy the below photos from my recent 30k run in the Marin Headlands:
7:15 in the morning, pulling into the parking lot, Earl, Linus and I spot this:

I think I was so excited at seeing an actual rainbow over the ocean that I couldn't balance the camera!

As I begin the climb up the Coastal Trail, the sun follows:

sunrise over Rodeo Beach

Within moments I spot yet another rainbow over the hills towards the north. It must have been perfect conditions for them! This one was very faint- can you see it?

second rainbow of the day

Then, a THIRD RAINBOW appeared and this one was just stunning rising over the Pacific. As I followed the running trail, the third rainbow grew and grew to the point where it was a complete arch and also had a shadow rainbow above it. Most of the time, I’m very happy with my wee Cannon point and shoot, although findings like this make me yearn for a fancy camera and lens kit (although how the heck could one do a 30k lugging one of those bad boys?). I ended up seeing FIVE rainbows total, and took lots of photos of them although at this point I will just leave them to your imagination. I was overjoyed at all the rainbows- I have NEVER seen so many in one day. What a gift!

three rainbows so far!

When you have to run up stairs like this, rainbows make it worth it.

stairs on the coastal trail

Something about trail running… it just full-out trumps running on roads. How can you look down this singletrack and not yearn to follow it??

one of my favorite sections of the Wolf Ridge Trail

Wildflowers spray across hillside, competing with the sky’s assortment

hillside wildflowers on the wolf ridge trail

Shortly thereafter, the morning fog lifted and rainbows gave way to clear blue skies

bridges on the Old Springs Trail

About 8 miles in, the Coast Road heads straight towards the ocean. Can you tell where water ends and sky begins?

Coastal Road leading straight into the Pacific

this patch of wildflowers brave the ocean gales

wildflowers by the ocean

good thing the views are inspiring because the climbs are NOT! this climb coming out of Pirates Cove was brutal. BRUTAL. I was crawling. I was barely moving. I was moving so slowly I was going backwards in the Hyperion Time Tombs. I was praying for the Shrike to show up, impale me on his spikey sheers and end my misery. I was dry heaving when I got to the top. I stopped running and sat down for a minute. A minute turned into 5 minutes. I sent text messages. I sat there wanting to die. I need to get better at running. I need to get better at climbing hills.

god-foresaken Pirates Cove Climb

But, you know what’s crazy? There’s another hill I hate even MORE than Pirates Cove. It’s this one, and it’s called the Marincello Trail. I hate it because it’s almost two miles long, it’s at an easy gradient, and it’s deceptively tiring. It goes on like this, subtly upwards, FOR-EV-ER.

freaking Marincello Trail

When I get to the top of the Marincello Trail about 11 miles in, I had a satisfying sit on this bench and chowed half of a Cliff Bar while scoping the view of what I believe is Angel Island.

bench at the top of the climb- aha!

Now, for my favorite part of the run the SCA Trail. It’s single track, it’s on the edge of a big hill so you feel like you are about to fall down the mountain, and it has lots of wildflowers and GREAT VIEWS!

can you spot the Golden Gate?

Cool house on the SCA Trail. I always kinda feel like a jerk staring at this house, like I am being this peeping Tom voyeur perveface. But, hey- build a house with giant glass windows right on a National Park trail, you reap what you sow. And, you know, don’t throw any stones. Provided, of course, you are not trapped.

does Dimitri Martin live here?

Flowers, flowers, everywhere!

SCA Trail wildflowers

About 15 miles in- getting close to the turn back to base camp. The view of the city and Alcatraz:

San Francisco and Alcatraz

saw this guy hanging out in the reeds off Bunker Road

hello there, ya tall drink of water

Almost 19 miles, I met Earl and Linus at the car, who had gone over and hung out in Sausalito while I was running. We did NOT play on the beach when I got back to the car this time, simply because I was pretty freaking exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home, shower, and pass out! Personal fulfillment, indeed.